Blade of Grass

A Blade of Grass

Barbara Rose

Alone I sat; isolation, loneliness my only companions. I reflected on events leading up to my isolation and questioned the reasons why. ‘Why, when I am in the midst of human companionship do I feel the most separate and alone?’

Moments earlier I had been with friends, enjoying the stillness of this day of silence. The spontaneous sound of their raucous laughter shattered my peaceful reverie and, for me, the sanctity of the day was broken. As the laughter continued it became more and more intolerable, offering no possibility of inner reflection; I left to find solace elsewhere.

My search for silence led me to an oasis of tranquillity beside a remote hillside pond. A small island rested within its centre and a line of trees filtered the breeze to one side. The retreat centre lay further up the hill behind; to the front I was greeted with panoramic views stretching to the limits of my vision. I had tried, in vain, to reach the island - it seemed to embrace my emotional vulnerability - and settled instead upon the bank where my eyes could be filled with its presence.

As I sat by the pond and opened my heart I found more and more questions seeking to be answered. ‘Why, when I am with my closest friends do I still feel I don’t belong?’ ‘Why do I force this separation by leaving?’ ‘Why do I turn to nature in the depths of my torment?’ ‘Why? Why? Why?’… A vortex of anguish carried my mind and emotions to the depths of despair.

I allowed myself to ‘be’ with my feelings, to allow them to surface gently. Tears began to flow… I felt my aloneness and questioned why I had chosen to tread this path? I felt the loneliness of the spiritual warrior, the meditation from last night returned and I knew the warrior’s spirit; the warrior who was so tired of fighting. I felt so tremendously alone and yet held awareness it was my own choice. I knew solace and love had to come from a source other than human companionship. I allowed myself to surrender, my warrior spirit yielded, and I would fight no more. I opened myself to love and trust as my tears fell.

In the midst of my suffering I became aware a gentle rain had begun to fall, it appeared the heavens were crying in unison, filling me with their love and support. Droplets of rain tenderly caressed my cheeks on their journey to nourish the earth. Birds joined in then the insects and crickets; their song was one of joy and comradeship, an orchestra of appreciation and unconditional love. My heart swelled with gratitude for the space they were holding for me.

My eyes alighted upon a blade of grass. Droplets of rain fell from its surface to match the tears falling from my own; it reached towards me in innocence and trust, gently swaying in the breeze to touch my heart with loving kindness. Revealing the essence of humility and compassion my heart swelled to embrace this wonderful gift until I felt it would burst; tears of gratitude erupted from within.

Words cannot express the joy and love I felt in understanding the intimate connection I had with this single blade of grass. On a dismal day in the middle of Ireland I had received more love than I had in my entire life. It was a love that was pure and unconditional and from such an unexpected source. I had been blessed and deeply healed.

Realisation after realisation dawned upon me. All my life it has been nature that has taught me my lessons and been an inspiration for my growth, now I had found the true love she gives me. My deep, searching questions had at last been answered. God is indeed everywhere!

I cried and cried at the pond until I could cry no more. Eventually I lay down and welcomed the rain gently caressing my cheeks, the bird’s whispered sweet lullabies as my gaze rested upon my beautiful blade of grass. I remained for a while, I know not how long, absorbing that wondrous experience. I felt peace and acceptance within and longed to remain in nature’s embrace.

Reluctantly, I took leave from my ocean of tranquillity to rejoin my friends. I took the blade of grass gently in my hands and bowed in reverent appreciation; words are not ample expression for the connection, love and gratitude I felt towards my trusted friend. I walked on with new strength and understanding; qualities borne from feeling aloneness and embracing unconditional love. I felt new acceptance of whom I was and for the path I had chosen to tread. And all from the love of a single blade of grass! Amazing!