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The Temptation of Bear

…………………………….. the bear leads and I follow him into his cave. My companions are two beautiful angels, Michael and Jophiel. The cave is dark, pitch black, and yet I feel no fear. A small light appears and I seem as a child. We are kneeling on the floor gazing at something, something written; a map maybe? I am being shown something by my guides but I know not what.

Suddenly the cave melts away and we are stood upon a plateau, the remains of the cave floor, the universe spread out before us; so vast, so eternal, and so pregnant with power. Bear speaks to me “all this magnificence and power are yours should you choose to take them.” I bury my face into my hands and fall to my knees “I do not want them, I am so afraid of what I may do with them.” Gentle voices come to me “trust, trust and all will be well.” I surrender and allow their gentleness and wisdom to guide me.

The experience that follows is beyond words, I cannot adequately describe the magnificence, unity, knowing and simplicity I am shown. I seem to melt and become one with this vast consciousness; I feel terrific expansion and inner knowing. I am everywhere and nowhere; I am aware of my body and simultaneously know I am not my body. I am and I am not; strange paradox. I know how the angels can be in many, many different places and dimensions in the same moment and I know they are as nothing to this vast, vast prescience.

I send healing to individual members of the group and it is effortless; a minuscule part of my being is performing these tasks and yet I am performing them with all of my being. All in one moment I am healing others, observing my body, and being totally aware of all that is; I am all that is. At one point I feel myself entering the body of one of the group to perform healing; it is effortless and so simple. I am omnipresent; my powers of healing and transformation are limitless……….

………….. I sustained this state of being for what must have been well over an hour and although the meditation came to an end, residues of my experience remain with me still.

In the days that followed I experienced terrific fear, wonder and amazement. My fear connected me to my abuse of power; I know I have been in this place before, I know I have had terrific power and abused it so terribly. Even in this lifetime as an Air Traffic Controller I often abused the power of my position. I was so afraid this would happen again and became physically sick with the fear it brought up in me.

I connect with the darkness within me. I know I am capable of tremendous cruelty, ruthlessness and destruction. I take time to know my darkness and have no desire to banish it from my being. I seek not to hide from it, nor do I seek to hide it from others. I seek only to love it, to understand why it needs to behave in such a way. All my dark deeds, and there have been many, have come through my separation from God; I know that now. How can I be whole unless I embrace my dark as well as my light?

Many insights come to me during the days following my meditation. I have had a deep, burning pain in my heart centre; excruciating and yet I am so grateful to be feeling it. Each time it comes upon me I am reminded that the only true power is love and as such it really is not power; it just “is”. In this knowing I am aware I can never abuse any power bestowed upon me. I know also that this power is not mine, it is the power of God manifested through me, I am but a channel for his love; it is his will I serve not mine.

These days have seen a blending together of my heart and mind. I feel an integration taking place; my heart and mind smile, as one. There is joy, peace, bliss and yes, fear as well. The strange thing is the more I allow myself to feel the fear the more there is a rising of pure joy, love and bliss. I know I am but a twinkling star in this vastness of God consciousness, but in knowing this I am also aware that I am that consciousness. I am everything and I am nothing………….